I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
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How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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