I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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