remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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