Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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