He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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