I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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