chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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