Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize