she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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