Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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