maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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