So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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