My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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