I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize