Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize