You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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