i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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