Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
