i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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