yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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