on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
