How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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