She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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