the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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