Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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