to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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