I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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