I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize