i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize