After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize