After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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