best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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