Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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