I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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