U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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