Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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