Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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