just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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