Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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