Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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