I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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