hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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