I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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