College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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