You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you had me at cake vodka
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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