How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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