I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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