I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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