she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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