walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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