dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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