You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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